I love this coaching business, I really do and I'm over my subtle, ok not so subtle since I did blast it to the world, resistance to my coach shining her sharp, little torch on my problem. The time thing. I completed the first part of my time assignment and it was basically an essay asking you to define your relationship to time.
One thing that became really clear to me was how out of sheer survival these past three, mostly dreadful, years, I figured out a way to live so completely in each moment with minimal planning and maximum just-maintaining-the-basics. There simply was no energy to plan beyond keeping it together, I was in complete survival-adrenal deficit mode most of the time. So, this unplanned living became a habit over a substantial period of time and now I have to rewire myself, my brain I think, to do it differently.
And it is so hard! Sitting down and making lists of what needs to be done, and what it would be lovely to get done, and what it would extra amazing to have done and then simply allocating time to get it done. One step at a time.
One of my number one avoid-what-needs-to-be-done methods is to pick up my recorder and play, yes, right in the middle of a project, I just want to be in my own little world. I don't know how to read music so I just play what wants to be played (mostly Danish hymns) by ear and it puts me in this wonderful Spirit-flowing-through-me space where I am safe and no worldly demands can penetrate; at least as long as I am playing. My kids know better than to interrupt me mid-song or, God help them, try to grab the recorder out of my mouth when I am playing (in an effort to get mom to listen to something they consider important at that time).
The whole point is, I can still play. Yep, I just have to schedule it into my little plan for the week. What a concept. I can still do all the things I love. Like tune out and be with God, go to yoga, be outside. I just need to put it into the PLAN and be super conscious about how much of my day, week, LIFE is spent doing these things and make sure that the big things are still getting done and I am doing my part in manifesting my dreams, being a clever little co-creator.
In spite of getting a good nights sleep (still on the balcony), I felt deeply and profoundly tired to the bone after my call with my coach. I basically passed out -- on the balcony. Just woke up, have NO desire to make anymore spreadsheets with goals and promises and daily plans today. But let me say this before I sign off -- about every single item on my list yesterday: THEY GOT DONE by the end of the day. I swear, there is something magical about writing it down.
Now I am going to the beach with my dear friend. She will take pictures of me doing yoga poses for my website and brochures. So that's kinda like work. Hee, hee!!
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