I just woke up with a bad dream of betrayal and a massive feeling of having been let down unfairly by a former colleague. I turn to my computer to seek solace in the night. Find new email from old friend who has taken it upon himself to build me up as my life circumstances seem intent on tearing me down. Now I have his words in writing and I can return to them when I waver in my resolve to set myself free and simply be. me. in this world.
But who is a woman in this world? Have we not been raised through eons to be the moon that reflects the light of the sun - of whomever we are with at the moment. Aren't we experts at feeling our way into other human beings, ever adapting and morphing into what seems to be needed from us in the moment, in our circumstances. Where in that process can we possibly find out who we are in our own right? Our individuality. My individuality. The person I would become if dumped on a deserted island with no one around to please and make comfortable. No rather, the person I already am. The person that is struggling to find expression while offending no one, hurting no one. Is it possible? Can I? Be. Me? With out hurting someone else? Reading my friend's email I believe I can and will -- and as my life unravels before my eyes and the future looks uncertain, I see a definite possibility that I will overcome betrayal and find my way to that elusive place of simply being me in this world not as a light reflecting moon but as a ray of sunlight coming straight from my heart.
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